New Story

Marie and I went out for coffee today. That’s exactly what we had. Coffee; Nothing more, nothing less. She didn’t know that I was just aching for an excuse to get lost in her gorgeous hair just one more time. In her warm, friendly embrace, I tried to hide my passion – my love.

We sat down and caught up. She was mellow, polite, cordial, and did everything in her power to make this moment as normal as possible. It was not hard for me. I had resolve. I would stare into her eyes, savor her good nature, and mope around the house for a couple hours later on in the day. I asked her:

“What’s Alicia Doing nowadays?”

“She’s an accountant. I don’t see how she doesn’t blow her head off, it’s such a boring job, but that’s just Ally.”

She sipped her coffee, and looked out the window. With her same old concern she asked:

“How’s Jake?”

As many times as I’d heard the question, this time didn’t make it any easier.

“He’s alive, but that barely describes him.”

She grabbed the pot from the center of the table and topped of my white, ceramic cup. I tried to push Jake out of my mind for now, and focus on this one little, stolen moment. Marie was only in the country for a couple of days. She had to fly to Brazil before heading back to France, so I only had a couple of hours. She set the pot down and smiled at me. She said how well I looked.

“It’s the California sun. People turn colors out here you could never imagine in France.”

She laughed, and I laughed. It was the sweetest, most savory, tingling, butterflies in the stomach laugh I had ever laughed. It was the remedy for my woes. It was also the catalyst which ignited my belief that maybe she might still feel something. I searched her face for another hint. God, California was too filthy a place for this beautiful Goddess. Starbuck was a smirch on her reputation. The United States were not civilized enough for her countenance. And I, I could have been just a little better in bed for her liking. Nut no, I wasn’t too bad (thanks to my partial Latin roots).

“You know, Jake asks about you every time I visit. He said he’d make sure I burned in hell if I didn’t tell you he’s still waiting for that kiss.”

She blushed. I wasn’t really sure what it meant, and had no idea how to press the issue.

“Tell Jake,” she said, “that he is most assuredly up on my list.”

There was my opening:

“And who’s on top of that list?”

She took what I felt to be an ill placed sip of her coffee.

“My fiancé.”

I took what she probably assumed to be a necessary sip of my coffee. That solved that question. She was getting married, and I would probably sit in one of the back rows, trying not to sob like a drunken asshole, later on turning into a blubbering drunken asshole at the reception. So I looked into her eyes, and thought to myself fuck it. You’ve got only so many years on this planet, are you going to pass on the only opportunity to stop her from marring this asshole?

“Congratulations. I certainly hope you’ll invite me to the wedding.”

“Do you really want to be there Sam?”

No. No I did not.

“Of course.”

My subconscious was going to kick my ass with a bottle of Rum when I got home. Marie felt all of this. My chest had been pried apart. Nothing was secret anymore.

“Love can only stretch so far, Sam.”

I wasn’t trying to learn a lesson at the time. I knew all of the circumstances and the limits and the differences, but I was too caught up on the similarities to see the truth. I tried to close up. I tried to stick with the matter at hand:

“So, where are you having the wedding?”

Marie refilled her cup.

“In Chartres. And I would be delighted if you came.”

We continued the small talk. Apparently this man’s name was Jean. And I was sure the typical Jean was going to match quite badly with the lovely, smart, funny Marie quite terribly. I said nothing.

I hugged her one last time, and this time it was the pain of half a planet’s distance keeping us apart that made the moment so strong. It was the closing of the door of opportunity – the sealing of the window of our romance.

There was a message on the answering machine when I got home, and I called Marie immediately.

“Yes Sam?

“Marie, I- I have to – oh god.”

What is it Sam?

“It’s uh – it’s Jake, he-“

I couldn’t say it.

“I’ll cancel my flight. I’m coming over Sam. Just have a drink and I’ll be there as fast as I can.

I closed my eyes, and bowed my head, and prayed to my God.

God, I don’t pray as much as I should. I’m sorry for whatever I’ve done. Please let mom be wrong. Please let Jake be okay. And if he’s not, please…give him back…

So I actually don't have much to write about, but I don't think we should let this die.
How's everyone's senior year going?

A Note to Stewart (But open to all)

Stewart, in the house you maintained that there is a time and a place where cursing is appropriate. I think I kind of folded on that issue at the time, but I have since become more firm in my position, that it is neither appropriate, nor healthy to curse. The Bible says that life and death are in the power of the tongue, and then admonishes us to choose life, "that it may go well" with us. Basically, that words are powerful spiritual tools that play a very real role in the events of one's life. At this point, I would like to mention that I'm not trying to preach at you. Actually, quite the opposite, I'd really love to know what you think about this. (I miss our TASP-y debates like...well, I can't actually think of anything that I miss so much--other than you all, of course)

Let's Have That Conversation, Dennis (Just Pretend it's Over Coffee at Cafe Royale)

You and I never did get to discuss libertarianism and spirituality. Why not online? If you're interested in a TASP-wide discussion, post a comment to this blog. Did you have a specific question you wanted to talk about?

Nonsense, Plain and Simple...

Oh, how I love you all. Truly. You're all in my prayers. I'm excited because I'm getting ready to go to South Africa, but I am also seriously concerned that I might not be able to go to Swarthmore discovery weekend because of it. (Amir, you may not be the only one left out of the reunion. Of course, if you all--except for Melissa and Stewart and Joe who have UChicago, Deep Springs, and Columbia in the bag, respectively--come to Brown...) OMG. Can't believe I actually made a sentence out of that last bit... Anyhoo, I talked to my parents and decided that since I definitely want to go to Brown, there's no need to apply to billions of other places, so they suggested I apply E.D. to my school and R.D. to two others. I chose Hampshire and UChicago as my two others, because I might apply to Columbia for grad school and I don't want to have a record of snubbing them, even for Brown. If you guys get to the point where you're sure of where you want to go, let me know! College stuff excites me to no reasonable end. BTW, for those of you who will be in the New England/New York/Almost anywhere on the East Coast one short year from now, I plan to spend every available weekend detracting from your much cooler college friends. I can't wait to see where we all end up (for all those who don't join me at Brown...) Say, I wonder if you can request a roomate at Brown...? Wendikins, is Yale still your first choice? I know I talk a lot about one school in particular, but I really do want you all to go to the school that makes you happiest. Wow, this is such a weird, fully random post. Forgive me my scattered mind. I'm a nut. No, I'm a squirrel. Okay, Okay, I'm getting off now. No more bad, if nostalgic jokes...

aw, one week. it's kind of weird to think how just one week ago we were sobbing our hearts out on the front lawn of alpha gamma delta.

hope everyone is well. i just started my job today (as many of you already know, i mash up ice cream on a piece of granite for minimum wage for disgruntled princetonians) and i accidentally forgot to put the lid on the milkshake machine before turning it on. so... i guess some things never change.

miss you guys.

love,

Oh, how TASP curses me so...

It haunts me, I swear. In a good way, of course. I'm still seeing you guys everywhere.

Anyway, today I went out for Chinese and got a fortune cookie. And guess what it said? "Put special emphasis on old friendship." Naturally, I thought of all you and decided for the seventeenth bazillionth time that yes, we all need to stay in touch with each other for the rest of our lives. The fortune now lies in my TASP Godiva Chocolate bag, soon to become the TASP memory box.

Then I went to see Harry Potter. But all I could think about was our trip to the Henry Ford Museum and Greenfield Village and the IMAX theatre. The movie was less than satisfactory, by the way. Cho Chang? Who would actually fall in love with such a ditz?

On a side note, I used one of the four samurai swords I brought home to kill a spider. I knew that the decision to bring them home was not in vain. I'm scared to touch the spider (it's rather huge - it was quite the battle to bring it down), though, so now it lies, curled up in all its glory, on the carpet in the middle of my room.

If I haven't stressed it enough, I love you all! Let's make a reunion committee, who wants to join :D

hi tasp

tasp,

last night i was cleaning my room at 1 am and i had such an urge to go downstairs and talk to everyone...i could just picture people around the house so clearly, reading and watching tv and talking and sleeping and writing and singing and throwing water and playing piano and tossing a football and baking and eating and talking some more. i just can't believe that it's never going to happen again. ugh i'm so sad! i agree with susan and elexis- tasp is not describable, and the more i talk about it the more my friends are like shut up and get over it...which is clearly IMPOSSIBLE.

i think i'm gonna go make some RAK cards to make myself feel better and to procrastinate doing my summer work. i miss you all and love you all

ann

GAAAAAAAH! Damned international status!

So I e-mailed Swarthmore asking for a Discovery Weekend app, and this is their response...

"Dear Amir,

Thank you for your message! Unfortunately, while we are very glad to hear that you are interested in the Discovery Weekend program, we regret to say that we are unable to extend the invitation to international applicants. We hope the response doesn't prove too disappointing, as we do sincerely value your consideration (really!) and the fact that you took the time to contact us. If you have any other questions that might occur in the near or far future, please do let us know and thank you again.

Warmly,
Swarthmore Admissions"

=(. Everyone gets to reunite but me, hrrmph.

My Heart! My Heart! Alas, My Heart

I keep reminiscing with my friends and family about you guys, our time together, and TASP, and I keep running a small gamut of difficulties. For one, nobody seems to want to hear me relate everything that occurs in everyday life back to some one of you or an inside joke. I told a few of you this, but I feel the need to reiterate it: I have come home to find that everything here is just the same as it was when I left. The difficulty is that I am struggling to see things the same way because I have changed. I want to divorce my pre-TASP life, and for some strange reason, I desperately want to plant a tree. I think I just decided this moment that I'm going to let the past be the pleasant past, though. Reading Stewart's blog makes me feel that the eighteen of us have a future together, even when separated, and I don't think I really felt that in any tangible way 'till now. Much thanks to the Resident Poet. I still think I'll have difficulty describing you guys, though. I'm writing your guys' names down because [I'm a sad, sentimental dork and also because] as I do so I get a mental image of each of you that is a special snapshot--a part of how I perceive you. God that is so terribly mawkish, but I can't help myself. Perhaps I should just erase this last bit so you all don't start to think I'm crazy...

Susan
Ann
Aaron
Melissa
Sania
Amir
Colin
Wendy
Stewart
Ronald
Joe
Jenny
Dennis
Unikora
Jordan
Emma
Brian
Me


[Come To Brown!!!! Please?]

Why isn't this working?

Umm... quoteboard? Where has 45 minutes of my time gone? Where are you quoteboard? ...

'07 UMich TASPers--Quotable Notables

Taken from the quotation board pages that I took home with me, typed up exactly in the manner by which they were written. Enjoy!

"So you put them in a house... together... 24/7 and you don't want them to touch each other?"

[Joe]: Wow, lots of balls.
[Jenny]: Lots of balls.
[Joe]: That's how Jenny likes it.
[Jenny]: I like the balls.

"Amir, you're such a dickhead."
"I've never been called a dickhead before! Congratulations!"
"You've never been called a dickhead?"
"We don't use that kind of language in Canada. We wear wooly sweaters and knit."

"DAMN you and your Chinese strategies!"

"From now on, unless otherwise noted, we do not want to see you shake your ass."

"It's literally what it sounds like. You're blocking a cock."

"He was asleep when I woke him up."

"I wouldn't bone anyone I admire, like mother Theresa"

"I want to be Charles when I grow up."

"See, this is why I juggle."
"To flirt with little girls?"
"No, to make little girls happy."
"And old drunk men."

"Aww, Stewart is so cool, I wish I could impress little girls too!"

"Stewart, I noticed your arm is around me."
[hugs]
"No! You can hug, but no nuzzling!"

"She (SCARLET JOHANSON) IS THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU CAN TAKE TO A DINNER PARTY...
SHE'S A BIT HORNY THOUGH"

TASP is like having a discussion between pirhannas.

"Dude, you're in my zone [box around zone]"

"Amir, you look so hot in that thing." --Susan

"Colin, doesn't that feel wierd?"
"Well, at least it's not my thigh like it was last time."
(holding a blade of grass, stroking Colin's leg)
[written in pink sideways along the margin-- "THIS IS [UNDERLINE] ALL [UNDERLINE/] OUT OF CONTEXT!"]

"It's not like communists don't have sex."

"See, the thing I strive for... is to sleep with someone.
WAIT NO I MEANT ACTUALLY SLEEP-SLEEP!

"Can't we just sleep out here tonight?"
"Amir, don't you know what will happen to you if you sleep out here on the lawn?"
"Get pissed on my face by the frat boys?"

"I'm really good at cutting peoples' hair! Actually, I've never done it.

"That's the trouble with having muscles. They occasionally hurt a lot."

"Amir's Cravings:
Chinese food,
then Puritan Dress."

"If I'm really feminine... does that make me a woman?"

"Oh c'MON, I bet I can find at least ONE Asian guy with a HUGE..."

"I am NOT sexually frustrated!"

"I'm a big D fan"

"not when you're middleeastern!"

"Ca-litoris... Oops I meant Little Richard."

"Pancakes are just so... sexual..."

"They had trouble with having sex so they put on Panda porn for them."

"No SEX!" Reply: "What if it's on the frat's lawn with a frat boy?"

"He's adjusting his tie like 'I'm not gay...'"

"Speaking of a paper samper [???? I'll scan this one]"

6/27 "SODOMY ON A HILL IS [UNDERLINE] NOT [UNDERLINE/] IN GOOD FUN"

"Move the fucking cups"

"Well, God can induce orgasms anyway"

"Get it right or we'll get in a fight"

"Doesn't the zone enter someone else's zone?"

[Stewart]: Do you think God ever looks down at Earth and says "Woops"?
[Brian]; Yea, hence the platypus.

If you pee on the couch, I swear to God...

I'd bone the Queen of England and never call her back.

"I'm going to be naked in a sec. so... [points to closet]"

"Where is fan club, and what's with the toilet paper?"

[in the margin]: This isn't a quote but it's quite noteworthy. --> [Joe pulls his pants down and Bridget finds it funy...]

"I like stimulation but I'm not a kid."

I think we're missing a couple of pages =( but at least we've got these! Add more if you can remember them.

TASP REFLECTIONS

Well, the program is over, and our lives are rebooting. Any thoughts? Any worries? Any fears or words of advice? Let's talk about life, the future, and where we see ourselves going. I figure we can each post one of these now, and one at the end of the year to see how things change.

I second that YAY!!!
This is awesome Jenny. We have you and Susan to thank for so much of our x-country connection. Thanks for creating this PLACE for us...
P.S. I left out some of my info. on Amir's contact sheet.
My zipcode's: 21212, and yes, I undoubtedly want random crap
I love you all.

yay jenny!

thanks for setting this up, jenny! i'm about as html-challenged as they go, and i couldn't even figure out how to turn it into a group blog. i hope everyone is doing okay. home is kind of weird. familiar, and exactly the same, which i guess makes it weird. i woke up yesterday feeling so disoriented because i forgot where i was. and i went downstairs to get breakfast and it was so quiet and disconcerting without you guys sitting at the table, reading the newspaper and doing last minute seminar stuff. amir said that no adjectives seem to describe any of you guys adequately, and TASP in general, and i'm having the same problem. i kind of want to hate telluride sometimes for this stupid withdrawal but i know that's kind of irrational (me talking about rationality, how fitting). amir sent all the addresses so be prepared for a deluge of "random crap in the mail" in the form of love. =)

i'm off to play with the little kiddies (although they'll probably remind me of the kids at the hands on museum, which will inevitably remind me of TASP). i said this in the video, but all of you have truly left an "irreplaceable TASP-shaped hole in my heart" and i meant it. i love you guys, as sania would say, from the bottom of my brain.

xoxo,
susan

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