'07 UMich TASPers--Quotable Notables

Taken from the quotation board pages that I took home with me, typed up exactly in the manner by which they were written. Enjoy!

"So you put them in a house... together... 24/7 and you don't want them to touch each other?"

[Joe]: Wow, lots of balls.
[Jenny]: Lots of balls.
[Joe]: That's how Jenny likes it.
[Jenny]: I like the balls.

"Amir, you're such a dickhead."
"I've never been called a dickhead before! Congratulations!"
"You've never been called a dickhead?"
"We don't use that kind of language in Canada. We wear wooly sweaters and knit."

"DAMN you and your Chinese strategies!"

"From now on, unless otherwise noted, we do not want to see you shake your ass."

"It's literally what it sounds like. You're blocking a cock."

"He was asleep when I woke him up."

"I wouldn't bone anyone I admire, like mother Theresa"

"I want to be Charles when I grow up."

"See, this is why I juggle."
"To flirt with little girls?"
"No, to make little girls happy."
"And old drunk men."

"Aww, Stewart is so cool, I wish I could impress little girls too!"

"Stewart, I noticed your arm is around me."
[hugs]
"No! You can hug, but no nuzzling!"

"She (SCARLET JOHANSON) IS THE TYPE OF PERSON YOU CAN TAKE TO A DINNER PARTY...
SHE'S A BIT HORNY THOUGH"

TASP is like having a discussion between pirhannas.

"Dude, you're in my zone [box around zone]"

"Amir, you look so hot in that thing." --Susan

"Colin, doesn't that feel wierd?"
"Well, at least it's not my thigh like it was last time."
(holding a blade of grass, stroking Colin's leg)
[written in pink sideways along the margin-- "THIS IS [UNDERLINE] ALL [UNDERLINE/] OUT OF CONTEXT!"]

"It's not like communists don't have sex."

"See, the thing I strive for... is to sleep with someone.
WAIT NO I MEANT ACTUALLY SLEEP-SLEEP!

"Can't we just sleep out here tonight?"
"Amir, don't you know what will happen to you if you sleep out here on the lawn?"
"Get pissed on my face by the frat boys?"

"I'm really good at cutting peoples' hair! Actually, I've never done it.

"That's the trouble with having muscles. They occasionally hurt a lot."

"Amir's Cravings:
Chinese food,
then Puritan Dress."

"If I'm really feminine... does that make me a woman?"

"Oh c'MON, I bet I can find at least ONE Asian guy with a HUGE..."

"I am NOT sexually frustrated!"

"I'm a big D fan"

"not when you're middleeastern!"

"Ca-litoris... Oops I meant Little Richard."

"Pancakes are just so... sexual..."

"They had trouble with having sex so they put on Panda porn for them."

"No SEX!" Reply: "What if it's on the frat's lawn with a frat boy?"

"He's adjusting his tie like 'I'm not gay...'"

"Speaking of a paper samper [???? I'll scan this one]"

6/27 "SODOMY ON A HILL IS [UNDERLINE] NOT [UNDERLINE/] IN GOOD FUN"

"Move the fucking cups"

"Well, God can induce orgasms anyway"

"Get it right or we'll get in a fight"

"Doesn't the zone enter someone else's zone?"

[Stewart]: Do you think God ever looks down at Earth and says "Woops"?
[Brian]; Yea, hence the platypus.

If you pee on the couch, I swear to God...

I'd bone the Queen of England and never call her back.

"I'm going to be naked in a sec. so... [points to closet]"

"Where is fan club, and what's with the toilet paper?"

[in the margin]: This isn't a quote but it's quite noteworthy. --> [Joe pulls his pants down and Bridget finds it funy...]

"I like stimulation but I'm not a kid."

I think we're missing a couple of pages =( but at least we've got these! Add more if you can remember them.